Internet Fasting

Ok. So I recently cut down from three part-time jobs to just two, and I DO NOT like what I am learning about myself in my downtime.

I’m trying to be mindful of the fact that ‘time off’ is a relatively new thing for me. Time management is something I have always struggled with, so I shouldn’t be surprised that several years without a set schedule and EXTREMELY little leisure time has not helped me build my skills in this area. However, I’m finding that I’m having trouble doing very basic things (like going to sleep ever) and I know that I am not going to be able to keep this up long-term.

For the longest time, I thought it was my LIFE that was stressful. I’m starting to realize that I’m just a stressed-out person.

I need to re-commit to a stress-management plan which includes daily yoga and meditation. That would help a lot. Sleeping like a normal human and doing something other than sit in-front of my computer would probably help to though.

It makes absolutely NO sense that I should be more ‘productive’ when I’m running around like a complete mad woman, but I think that I am actually my most ‘normal’ when I’m in a constant state of near-panic.

I’ve had two full days off this week and suddenly I’ve turned back into a 15 year old with nothing better to do than shop and watch videos on YouTube. Is this normal? Why is it that I can’t get anything done all of a sudden?

Anyway, I’ve decided that I need go on an internet fast; I SO have not learned to manage my ADD as an adult, and it’s about time that I start working on that. I have a hard enough time concentrating on basic life stuff WITHOUT having 50 browser tabs in front of my face at any given time. I quit my third job so that I could focus more time on my schoolwork (or so I told myself) and that’s exactly what I need to be doing right now.

So, internet fasting…..

I’ve heard that it takes about 30 days to break a habit, so that’s what I’m shooting for with this. How restrictive should I be?Obviously, I can’t stop using the internet ENTIRELY but I can keep my use of it to a minimum. I will limit my internet use to scheduling for work, research for school, streaming music, Lumosity games, and whatever data is required to use my PocketYoga app, Duolingo, and Audible downloads No Facebook. No Netflix, no YouTube, no Amazon Instant Video! And certainly no WebMD (unless I actually DO have cancer, high blood-pressure and lyme disease).

I will keep a daily journal about my experience and post it up all at once at the end of the 30 day period.  Remembering to write every day is probably going to be as difficult as remembering not to open up YouTube every time I sit down at my computer. I think it will be worth it though.

They say you can only effectively change one behavior at a time. We’ll see if 30 days is long enough for me to cut back on my excessive internet usage.

Update: So, I gave up on this experiment after less than two weeks. HOWEVER, it wasn’t a complete waste of time; I’ve realized that I (not the internet) am the problem. If I spend too much time watching videos and reading blog posts, it’s because I’m avoiding getting other stuff done. I find that making restrictive goals is less helpful for me than making goals where I focus on increasing a positive behavior. So I’m gonna focus more on those types of things.

I may pursue this type of media fast again in the future….just maybe at a time when I’m not taking classes online and can afford more expensive forms of entertainment than Netflix.

What Science Says About Me:

I just finished two personality quizzes from this very Scienc-y looking website:

http://www.visualdna.com/quizzes/

I’m a sucker for personality quizzes, and I’m always curious to see what Science has to say.

Here is the feedback they gave me:

http://you.visualdna.com/quiz/whoami#/feedback?utm_source=WAI-picture-VDNA

https://personality.visualdna.com/?c=us#feedback/0807abe3-4c98-4915-a067-e5e1745bfefd

Essentially, my results indicate that I’m extremely neurotic and a complete airhead. Thanks, Science. I totes didn’t already know that know that about myself. Blarg.

As any truly neurotic person would be, I’m kinda freaking out right now. I am just all kinds of fucked up.

HOWEVER, I do believe that I can make progress as a human being. I can be less boring/self-centered/disorganized/stressed-out/shortsighted.

I’m going to work on this stuff. Getting organized and cutting down on distractions will be my TOP PRIORITIES, from here on out!

That is, after I finish my mid-term essay. *cries*

OFF DAY BLOG! Am I a ‘Workaholic’?

Hi. So in honor of my not having to be ‘at work’ today (and in honor of the fact that today is TUESDAY, which is historically my least favorite day of the week), I want to talk a little about my personal life struggles (cuz I know yal’ want to hear about them).

Lately I’ve been wondering if I may be legitimately ‘addicted’ to working. I feel like unless there’s some chance of financial gain from an activity, I pretty much don’t do it…..hence why I’m so awesome (sarcasm) at blogging.

Soooooooo……..

‘Workaholics Anonymous’ is a group that actually exists. The have a list of 20 questions to help people identify if they may have a ‘work addiction’, and I’m gonna answer all of them right here for you TODAY! I’ll link to the original page bellow.

http://www.workaholics-anonymous.org/page.php?page=knowing

(Ta DA!!!!! Above is the aforementioned link.)

So here goes. If I answer ‘yes’ to three of these, I might be a workaholic.

Twenty Questions: How Do I Know If I’m A Workaholic?

1. Do you get more excited about your work than about family or anything else? A: ‘Excited’ isn’t the word I would use….’Anxious’ is a more accurate word to describe my feelings. I’m going to decline to answer this question, since I’m not sure what it’s asking.
2. Are there times when you can charge through your work and other times when you can’t? A: Yes, absolutely. I feel like everybody has this problem though…
3. Do you take work with you to bed? On weekends? On vacation? A: Yes, I often fall asleep while working on homework or creative projects. Weekends and vacation are not something that happen to me.
4. Is work the activity you like to do best and talk about most? A: ….No? I complain about work a lot though, and can’t talk about much else. So maybe. I have multiple jobs and consider my school and hobbies to be ‘work’ also, so yes, I guess so.
5. Do you work more than 40 hours a week? A: Yes, Always.
6. Do you turn your hobbies into money-making ventures? A: Yes, absolutely. Always have.
7. Do you take complete responsibility for the outcome of your work efforts? A: Yes, absolutely. If ever I make a mistake at work I beat myself up about it to no end.
8. Have your family or friends given up expecting you on time? A: Yes, no question. I’m late everywhere, and I miss many events with friends and family.
9. Do you take on extra work because you are concerned that it won’t otherwise get done? A: Yes, I have always done this. When I was a kid, I would often do ‘group projects’ all by myself because I wasn’t convince that anyone else would do them correctly. I would always rather do something myself than allocate tasks to others. 
10. Do you underestimate how long a project will take and then rush to complete it?  A: Yes, always. I feel like I do my best work when I’m coming up on a deadline.
11. Do you believe that it is okay to work long hours if you love what you are doing? A: Yes. When I’m doing work that I care about, I love nothing more than to devote myself to the task entirely. I work long hours doing things that I don’t like, so why is it weird to work even longer hours doing something that I do enjoy?
12. Do you get impatient with people who have other priorities besides work? A: HELL yes. 
13. Are you afraid that if you don’t work hard you will lose your job or be a failure? A: Yes, but only cuz I WILL lose my job/be a failure if I don’t work hard. I absolutely believe this.
14. Is the future a constant worry for you even when things are going very well? A: Yes. A thousand times yes.
15. Do you do things energetically and competitively including play? A: …..Play? 
16. Do you get irritated when people ask you to stop doing your work in order to do something else? A: Yes. I hate being interrupted. HATE it.
17. Have your long hours hurt your family or other relationships? A: Yes, without a doubt. I’m surprised I still have ‘other relationships’.
18. Do you think about your work while driving, falling asleep or when others are talking? A: Yes. I’m so boring.
19. Do you work or read during meals? A: Yes. Though, I do lots of other things during meals too INCLUDING (but not limited to) talking on the phone, texting, doing homework (written, generally), checking emails (does this count as ‘reading’?), watching videos, listening to music (but only while driving).
20. Do you believe that more money will solve the other problems in your life? A: Yes. People who have more money than me tell me this belief is inaccurate…All of my problems are money related though, I swear.

So in conclusion: yes, I probably am a workaholic. However, I’m not convinced that my behavior is ‘pathological’ in any way; I feel like I’m just doing what I need to do to survive. Does that make sense?

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Manliness: A Cultural Analysis

Hey y’all. So I wrote the following essay to for my Composition II class last semester. The assignment was to write a ‘cultural analysis’ essay limited to 1000 words. There were probably other really important parameters for this project, but I don’t remember them.

I tried to pitch this essay as an article idea in Cracked.com’s ‘Writers Workshop’, but it took the board moderators forever to give me feedback, and when they did it wasn’t especially helpful.

So I’m publishing the essay here. Cuz Cracked.com doesn’t deserve me.

I had originally intended for this to be a humorous essay, but I think it just kinda turned out pretty depressing….. You should read it anyway and let me know what you think:

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Manliness

On October 30^th of this year, the website Gearjunkie published an article entitled “The Rise of the ‘Lumbersexual’”. This article was the first of many in recent weeks to highlight the trend of millennial males (men aged 18 to 33) who are combining a metrosexual style sensibility with the traditional clothing of the North American Lumberjack.

In the early 90s, the term ‘metrosexual’ (which is a portmanteau of the words ‘metropolitan’ and ‘heterosexual’) was intended to describe well-groomed, urban-dwelling, heterosexual males. The very existence of the term indicates that at the time of it’s coinage, it was not considered ‘normal’ for hetrosexual men to practice good grooming habits. The rise of the lumbersexual suggests that our society is becoming more accepting of the male drive to self-actualize through fashion; we have progressed to the point where we can tolerate a man who cares how he looks…as long as he don’t look like he cares.

According to Tom Puzak (who authored the Gearjunkie article) the rise of the lumbersexual may be rooted in a ‘cultural shift toward environmentalism, rebellion against the grind of 9-5 office jobs, or simply recognition that outdoor gear is just more comfortable, functional and durable”. Perhaps the lumbersexual wears clothing suited for the ‘great outdoors’ in an attempt to lessen the disconnect from nature which he experiences due to his ever-increasing dependence on technology.

Critics of this trend, such as conservative talk show host Dana Loesch, theorize that the increasing popularity of flannel is likely due to the ‘demasculinization of the American male’. ‘Masculine’ traits become attractive during hard times, she argues, referencing evolutionary theory, and the millennial male has adopted visual motifs of masculinity (facial hair and Dickies boots), to compensate for their lack of ‘masculine’ personality traits (resourcefulness, self-reliance, strength etc.)

According to the writers at the popular blog The Art of Manliness, “Many men today feel adrift and have lost the confidence, focus, skills and virtues that men of the past embodied. In an increasingly androgynous society, modern men are confused about their role and what it means to be an honorable, well-rounded man”

It is not unrealistic to expect that young men could be somewhat emotionally de-stabilized by shifting ideals of gender (such as our societies de-stigmatization of homosexuality, or the increase in the number of female ‘breadwinners’). However, I feel that the rising popularity of this trend is not so much due some inherent evolutionary drive towards ‘manliness’, but to collective millennial beliefs which have been brought to light during the ‘Great Recession’.

A survey of men’s fashion throughout history suggests that ‘sexual identity’ is not as important to men’s fashion choices as economic standing.

What of the economic standing of the Lumbersexual? Limited financial means seems to be the primary drive behind the purchasing decisions of many millenials, including Lumbersexuals. According to the website Adweek, “Only 62 percent of them [millennial makes] have jobs, and only half of those work full-time”. One can hardly argue that their penchant for growing beards is some sign of a ‘rebellion against the grind of the 9-5 job; most of them don’t have 9-5 jobs.

In fact, I suspect that for most Lumbersexuals, their facial hair is a symbol of their refusal to settle for a job that restricts their personal choices. Many jobs -whether they require a college degree, or just a GED- will not hire a man who has copious facial hair, as bushy beards are considered ‘unprofessional’. A ‘9-5 job’ which doesn’t require men to shave every morning is a rare thing indeed. While some Lumbersexuals will readily (although begrudgingly) part with their facial hair if doing so could land them a good job, I suspect that many would not be willing to exchange their means of ‘self expression’ for a paycheck.

Millennials are less motivated by career advancement, and more by personal goals and aspirations. Previous generations (such as the ‘stereo-typically career-focused Yuppies’ generation Y) may interpret this divergence from their own values as ‘laziness’ or ‘selfishness’, especially, when seen among males. It remains to be seen whether this ‘no-compromise’ attitude will prove to be an asset or a liability for the millennial generation.

However, we must accept that the individualistic attitude of this generation is likely a significant contributor to the ‘underemployment’ of its males.

The millennial male averages $25,000 in student loan debt, yet ‘‘barely one-quarter of them have anything higher than a bachelors degree”. Though the millennial male is willing to take on massive amounts of student debt in their pursuit of his goals, he is unwilling to make a long-term commitment to a job about which he is not ‘passionate’…even if this job may provide him the financial freedom to better pursue said goals. For him, this would be an admission of failure.

It is important to note that the lumbersexual look is rather anachronistic; the lumbersexual resembles lumberjacks of 100 years ago, rather than lumberjacks of today. Yet, despite his nostalgia for old American ideals and fetisization of blue-collar behavior, the Lumbersexual hipster is not willing to take on jobs in the blue-collar sector.

The blue-collar sector is projected to see a growth of 2.5 million jobs over the next 3 years. Says Mike Rowe of the TV show ‘Dirty Jobs’ “Today, we have millions looking for work, and millions of good jobs unfilled because people are simply not passionate about pursuing those particular opportunities.” Rowe, (who is an expert on on the subject if ever there was one), has often been quoted as saying that blue-collar work has an ‘image problem’.

Millennials are the most highly-educated age group in the U.S.; they have a good understanding of the historical importance blue-collar workers (such as lumberjacks) have had along the path of American progress. Yet, paradoxically, they are unwilling to take on the burden of these jobs which so often carry such social stigma. In many ways, the Lumbersexual is representative of this dichotomy.